Jasper Fforde_Nursery Crime_02 by The Fourth Bear

Author:The Fourth Bear
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Mystery, Mystery & Detective - General, Humorous Stories, Adaptations, Mystery & Detective, Humorous, Fantasy Fiction, Nursery Rhymes, Folk Tales, Fiction - General, Fantasy, Fairy Tales, Suspense, Legends & Mythology, General, Large Type Books, Fiction, Folklore & Mythology
ISBN: 9780786290017
Publisher: Gale Group
Published: 2006-10-27T05:00:00+00:00

“We’ve got most types of hooch,” said Roger cheerfully, opening the top of a globe that tastefully doubled as a drinks cabinet. “I like to keep the house well stocked. We’ve got diesel, castor, olive, groundnut, multigrade or sunflower.” He looked among the bottles. “I think we might even have some crude somewhere— that’ll put hair on your chest.”

“I told you all this earlier,” said Ashley in a strained tone.

“Humans don’t drink oil—at least, not on its own—and only organically derived.”

“Are you sure?” replied Roger, sorting through the bottles in the cabinet again, as though hoping something suitable might miraculously appear. “We’re a bit short on everything else.”

“A glass of water would be fine for me—I could have one of those.” She pointed to an array of jars on the mantelpiece.

“Ah,” said Roger with an embarrassed cough, “those are our memory jars. We like to have at least one backup.”

“Oh,” said Mary, blushing at the faux pas.

“I’ll get you a glass from the kitchen,” said Abigail and scampered off.

“… and seen the Dorf army scatter in the wake…” muttered Uncle Colin, still to himself.

“A toast,” announced Roger as soon as Abigail had returned with Mary’s water and everyone had been handed an oil of some sort and Ashley told he couldn’t have multigrade but would have to stick to olive “until he was older.” “A toast,” he said again, “to the excellent bispecies understanding we currently enjoy.”

“10001010110,” said Abigail, raising her glass and downing it in a single gulp.

“10001010110,” said Ashley, doing the same.

“10001010110,” said Roger, winking at Mary.

“10001010110,” said Mary, and they all stared at her and blinked for some moments in silence.

“Well, I think you’re mistaken,” said Abigail eventually. “My mother never would have done that, and certainly not to herself.”

“What did I say?” asked Mary, looking at Ashley for support.

“… and fought through the spice mines of Kessel…” droned on Uncle Colin.

“Dinner, anyone?” said Roger as a timer pinged in the kitchen, and everyone sprinted for the table, leaving Mary to bring up the rear.

“Has anyone seen Daisy?” asked Abigail, bringing in a large basket full of chips.

“She went out earlier,” said Ashley a bit impishly, “with that 10010111110101 rabble from across the road.”

“She’ll come to a sticky end,” said Roger.

“I think that was her intention,” replied Ashley with an amused squeak.

“Ashley,” scolded Abigail, “I won’t have that sort of gutter talk at dinner. Mary, be a darling and pass the toothpaste.”

Mary picked up what she thought must be the condiment basket and passed it up the table. Abigail carefully chose some Colgate and squeezed it onto her chips with some diesel oil out of a jug.

“Would you like some more?” asked Roger.

“I haven’t had anything yet,” pointed out Mary.

“I mean, would you like your more first? ” replied Roger with a trace of annoyance.

“Do you like Marmite?” asked Abigail quite suddenly.

“Not really.”

And they all applauded by tapping their sucker digits together. It sounded like twelve popguns going off in unison.

“Is this what Rambosians eat?” asked Mary politely.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.